alzheimer’s disease

it's such a cruel disease. this may be wrong, but each day i find myself praying that my grandmother be taken. she calls out "oh lord' quite frequently as if she is ready. my grandmother enjoyed life and really savored the important things like charity, family and fellowship. in contrast, my paternal grandmother, who has also been diagnosed with this affliction often spoke of "being hit by a bus". it does not discriminate. it's difficult for me to grasp and just like with famine and apartheid it's hard to justify in my mind. a mind that believes everything that happens is for good, whether it's apparent or not.

my grandmother has gotten mean and violent. most of the times it is directed at me and no-one else. i am clawed and often have to dodge a shoe or walker. i've always believed my grandparents disliked me. i find myself siting the attacks as proof. i'm not quite sure if i truly believe it or if it's a means to justify sitting on the pity pot.

my grandfather gets on my last nerve. he holla's constantly at my grandmother in the middle of the night about the most ridiculous things. we chastise him with an irritaed tone and 1 minute later he's at it again. he doesn't have alzheimer's but sometimes the dimentia seems worse.

recently an old friend of my mother's came to visit and he noted how wonderful it is to see 4 generations in the same household. it brought a tear to my eye. as much as i complain.. in my heart i know that this experience is a blessing.... crap detail and all.