yo!

it's been a minute hunh? who knew getting a job would take so much from my online time. i've gotten new found motivation... which is good. 2005 looks to be the year i finally get up out of bedtown. god willing, i will have my instructors certification and a year and some change experience under my belt. i will have everything i need to run a successful vending endeavor and i'll be well on my way to drumming up some design work. life is looking up.

it's strange to see myself in this place when not so long ago i was in hell. it's amazing that thing i call a spirit. i should be dead but instead i'm smelling roses. my daughter had her first concert today and her band sounded really good. i love that girl with all my heart. how could i have ever considered leaving her?

i'm in a good place... and i pray that i can continue on the path to finding what makes my heart sing. some things i know already but i'm still searching and waiting patiently.

on other news.... i am very, very lonely. this abstinence thing is getting quite tired. there is really only one person i want to be with but since he's involved right now... that's not an option. i was thinking today that he really is my best friend. he knows me.... i mean really knows me. i love him dearly and hope that things begin to look up for him. i guess i will always struggle with our relationship. it sure would be nice if i could find some fresh meat to preoccupy myself with. you know your love life has taken a sad sad turn when you find solace from a pillow....

peace out