stuck

i miss him sorta. maybe i miss the the idea of him. obviously i didn't think i was as expendable as i have proven to be. no matter what really meant until you move on romantically then you gets the boot. it's a shame..... really it is. i really thought that throughout all of the toxic, unhealthy, bullshit that underneath all of that was something pure and worth holding on to.

i doubt i'll ever really feel the same for anyone else. i just don't think my heart will allow me to adore someone like that ever again. for me, if i love you, i will always love you. the intensity for which i care for him fills a large part of my heart up so clearly whomever i end up with will be short changed. but it's all good. i always knew my feelings really were unrequited. actions really do speak louder than words in the end. time always unveils the truth.

luckily for me i was never deceitful and was always true with my shit... so no regrets, just uncontrollable episodes of melancholy that nothing soothes but time and the busyness of life.