perpetual

so maybe it's true that nothing makes me happy. perhaps i make all of this stuff up in my head. but i know i'm not crazy. i've always been known at work (every job i've ever had) for not taking any shit. however, in my other life i take so very much of it. people treat me like shit. i've never understood it. it's a perpetual theme in my life. the people i'm most closest too are the biggest offenders. the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with constantly lies to me and insults my intelligence. my mother looks upon me with great disdain on a daily basis and refuses to acknowledge favortism on her part. my friends omit me out of their life until they want or need something from me.

now i'm not saying i have no love in my life. i'm very much loved. my family has done so much for me. and will continue to.

i'm so sad and alone. i find old journals and all i ever write about is how sad and alone i feel. i'm 32. never had any real and healthy, romantic love from a man and most likely never will. i've lost my independence and i'm struggling to get it back. i put one foot forward and i swear there is always some asshole waiting to jam my toes with a broomstick.

i haven't excercised with any regularity in two weeks. if there is any doubt on your part, teek, that you need excercise then read this post over and over until you comprehend. excercise is preventative maintenance.