numb

or maybe i'm dumb. he is living his life and i feel like i'm at a standstill. i wonder if he really want's to be with me? my mind, logical mind.. that is, says no. this whole situation is pretty fucked up and i'm the dumbest broad on earth. he will never meet me halfway, and i'm a fool to think it's possible.

on other news, i may have a job. dude finally called back. he complimented me on my artistry. we'll see. even if i get it, getting there will pose a challenge. but if i get it, i'm sure things will work out. man, if this happens for me, other things in my life will start to fall in place. all i need is some duckets to make things happen. oh well, we will find out soon enough.

i just pray i have the strength to keep on keeping on. anytime i stop to reflect i get super depressed. i'm going to be 31 real soon and this is my life. what the fuck!! see i'm getting all crazy now. it hurts so much. damn it hurts!!

ok why do i feel better after taking this stupid picture. i'm such a damn cry baby. jeesh, life goes on. i can choose to be miserable in it or roll with the fucked up punches man!