hopeless

is what they say. i would agree. i can't stop thinking about him. i want so bad for his words to be true. however, i just don't trust his ass! i just got back from vacation. i'm somewhat motivated to create but not really. i just want us to be together. but he has created all of this extra drama in his life. i don't like drama. i just want him. everywhere i turn people are coupled up and here i am alone for another year.

i thought i wanted to just have sex, casual, unattached sex. but i'm realizing now that i just want to connect with someone. i was watching some show on tlc and i realize that alot of the things i do is for attention. i guess i've known that for awhile. i just want someone to care. wonder what teeks up to. give a good god damn. ya know? he has so much shit going on all the time that it just doesn't seem like there is enough to also think about me.

i wish love was a simple thing. or maybe i don't. i don't know. i do wish i could take care of him like he took care of me. i wish there was a way for me to do that and also do what's best for my kid and myself. i often wonder if my desire for the relationship clouds my vision. perhaps we didn't have as good of a relationship or possibility as i thought. perhaps it's just the desperation of a lonely mildly attractive loser chic. i don't know......