happy birthday to me: yeah yeah

ain't nothing going down. just another day. a-hole didn't make a deposit, so what's new. called to wish me a happy birthday in typical fashion but didn't call back after we got disconnected. whatever. he's such a jackass. then dude say he's gonna send me something and in typical fashion he calls me wondering if he should send it.

i'm so tired of motha fucka's and their excuses for everything. making an excuse has never, can i say never, worked for me but these assholes make a habit of the shit.

i'm so irritated right now. all in all my birthday was ah ight, it ain't over but it's pretty much over. i guess the car was a birthday gift and that's cool. these days i require very little. i just wish people kept their word and could be counted on.

i miss my father soooooooo much, the more i allow myself to think about it the more upset i get. how in the hell could he just cast all of the people who were most important to him out of his life without so much as an explanation. we deserve so much more than that. maybe i'll write him a letter. that's a good idea, except that i think i might get hostile.

i'm not dealing too well. a good friend of mine told me she wouldn't deal with me if i continue to dwell on the past. like what you've been through is fucked up but things are looking up so get the fuck over it. she does have a point. it's just so hard to let go. on the surface i still appear to be a looser and i guess that's what bugs me. it's like i want to tell everyone i meet that i use to be somebody. but if that's the case then what am i now? NOBODY!